Understanding the Challenges of Self-Forgiveness

A recent study conducted by Flinders University sheds light on why forgiving oneself can be a complex and difficult process for many individuals, even when it is believed to be beneficial for mental health. The research, published in the journal Self and Identity, examined the real-life experiences of people who felt trapped by guilt and shame after making mistakes or enduring hardships.

The study involved interviews with 80 participants who shared their personal stories—some eventually forgiving themselves, others feeling unable to do so. It revealed that those who struggled to forgive often replayed past events in their minds, feeling as though the incident was still happening. Emotions like guilt, shame, regret, and self-blame consumed them, making it hard to move forward.

Professor Lydia Woodyatt, a psychology expert and lead author, explained that self-forgiveness is more intricate than simply "letting go." While those who succeed in forgiving themselves still think about the event, their emotional response is less intense and less frequent, allowing the event to lose its power over their lives. Importantly, forgiving oneself also involved shifting focus toward the future, accepting personal limitations, and reconnecting with core values.

Contrastingly, individuals who felt responsible for harm caused to loved ones, such as children, partners, or friends, or who were victims themselves, found it particularly difficult to move on. Professor Woodyatt emphasized that self-forgiveness is not reserved only for those who have committed wrongdoing; it also applies when feelings of guilt and shame arise from being harmed or from situations beyond one's control.

Emotions serve as important signals indicating what the brain needs to resolve in order to progress. For instance, shame and guilt reflect underlying moral injuries—core threats to one’s sense of agency, control, belonging, and moral identity. Resolving these feelings requires time, reflection, support, and often, a focus on moral repair.

The study suggests that mental health professionals should approach self-forgiveness not as a simple concept but as a process that involves understanding emotional roots and working through underlying psychological needs. Moving from moral injury toward moral repair involves reaffirming one’s sense of agency and value.

Furthermore, the findings have implications beyond individual therapy, offering insights into how guilt and responsibility are processed—key factors relevant to criminal justice and rehabilitation. Recognizing that guilt can be rooted in both personal actions and external circumstances helps shape more empathetic and effective support systems.

You can explore this topic further in the full study: Lydia Woodyatt et al., "What makes self-forgiveness so difficult (for some)? Understanding the lived experience of those stuck in self-condemnation," published in Self and Identity (2025). Source: https://medicalxpress.com/news/2025-08-harder.html