The Most Common Mistakes People Make When Consoling Someone After Pet Loss and What to Say Instead

Losing a beloved pet can be an emotionally profound experience, yet many friends and family members struggle with how to respond supportively. For example, I personally felt the pain of this after my cat Murphy passed away earlier this year. She was diagnosed with cancer shortly before her death, yet her spirit remained vibrant—climbing her favorite perch, Mount Murphy, even through chemotherapy. When I shared my grief, a colleague shrugged and said, "It's just part of life." While well-intentioned, such dismissive words can overlook the depth of bond shared with a pet.

Pets are often considered family members—part of our routines, emotional support, and identity. It's common for Americans to celebrate and treat their pets like children, sharing birthdays or holiday cards. Despite this, society tends to minimize pet grief—viewing it as less valid or less deserving of support—creating an experience known as disenfranchised grief. This form of mourning proceeds without social acknowledgment, making it harder for individuals to process their loss.

Psychologists highlight that responses like "Just a pet," "I know how you feel," and "You can always get another one" are frequent but often unhelpful. Each stems from a desire to comfort but can inadvertently invalidate the emotional experience.

Avoid saying 'Just a pet'—this phrase implies that the loss isn't significant, which can make grief feel illegitimate, especially since pets often serve as attachment figures, offering unconditional love and companionship.

Steer clear of 'I know how you feel'—this statement shifts focus from the griever, risking minimizing their pain. Instead, simple empathetic expressions like "That sounds really hard," "I'm so sorry," or "I'm here if you want to talk" can provide more genuine support.

Refrain from saying 'You can always get another one'—such advice minimizes the uniqueness of the bond and suggests the loss is easily replaceable, which is rarely true. Continuously acknowledging the specific relationship and offering ongoing support validates their grief.

When someone doesn't speak about their loss, it can feel isolating. Silence sends the message that the love for their pet is unwelcome or uncomfortable to acknowledge. Instead, gently acknowledging the pet's name, asking what they miss most, or simply expressing your presence can make a meaningful difference.

In summary, each person's bond with their pet is special and deserving of recognition. Compassionate, sincere words—along with patience and understanding—are crucial in supporting someone through their grief. Remember, the goal isn't to fix the pain but to honor the love and connection that was shared.

Source: https://medicalxpress.com/news/2025-07-worst-pet-dies.html