Understanding and Supporting Your Child's Memory Challenges Without Making it Worse

As children start a new school year, it's common for parents and teachers to hear phrases like "I can't find my jumper" or "I left my hat at home." For older children, the importance of remembering personal items like phones or laptops makes forgetfulness even more significant.

While it may be tempting for parents to step in and pack everything for their child or send constant reminders, doing so can hinder their child's ability to develop essential memory skills. Instead, fostering routines and promoting awareness of cognitive processes can be far more effective.

The core issue lies in the development of prospective memory—the ability to remember to perform future tasks. This involves several complex cognitive processes: paying attention to what’s important, forming intentions, and retrieving those intentions at the right moment. These skills rely heavily on executive function, which is governed by the prefrontal cortex, an area of the brain that matures gradually into early adulthood.

Since executive function develops later than other skills like language or play, it's natural for children to forget things, and this is a normal part of their growth. Variations exist; children with conditions such as ADHD, especially the inattentive subtype, may experience more frequent forgetfulness. These children are still developing their memory skills but tend to be more prone to losing items.

To support children effectively, parents can implement consistent routines, which help automate behaviors and improve self-regulation. Encouraging children to become aware of their own cognitive processes—metacognition—helps them recognize when they need reminders or strategies to remember information.

Modeling good habits is crucial. For instance, creating family routines, such as "bags by the door" checklists, can reinforce organizational skills. If concerns about persistent forgetfulness arise, consulting a healthcare professional like a GP or school psychologist might be helpful, particularly to rule out conditions like ADHD.

There are certain pitfalls to avoid. Relying solely on children to self-initiate memory without support can be overwhelming. Using tools like checklists and visual prompts, such as tags on schoolbags with reminders, is a legitimate support strategy. Punishing forgetfulness or rushing children can increase stress, making memory lapses worse. Patience and understanding foster a positive environment for developing these skills.

Remember, forgetfulness is a typical part of childhood development, influenced by ongoing brain maturation. With appropriate strategies, support, and understanding, children can improve their memory skills over time, gaining independence and confidence in managing their daily routines.