Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart, so when someone has a tip to share, we’re taking notes. And Drew Barrymore is dishing out one that she said was life-changing for her.
On Jan. 23, the host of “The Drew Barrymore Show” sat down with Dr. Aliza Pressman, a psychologist, parenting expert and author of the newly released book “The Five Principles of Parenting.” During the segment, Barrymore reflected on how the psychiatrist previously helped her understand how to support her daughter Olive during a challenging period.
“You specifically changed my life. I had my daughter Olive, who Aliza knows,” Barrymore began. “She was going through a phase, this was years ago, where when she would get upset, I would try to go to her, and I would try to make it better.”
Barrymore shares two daughters with her former husband, Will Kopelman: Olive, 11, and Frankie, 9.
The “E.T.” actor shared that she began to acknowledge that this was the last thing her daughter needed or wanted from her.
“I didn’t understand it,” she said, explaining that when she would attempt to chase after Olive, her daughter would either run away or become reactionary.
“Either way was like the two extremes of no goodness, and Aliza taught me to regulate myself,” Barrymore said.
The talk show host then recalled Pressman’s guidance on regulating, then approaching her daughter.
“You said walk in the room and just say, ‘I understand we’re having a moment. ‘I’m here on the other side of this door for you, waiting. When you are ready, I am here,’” she recalled.
She then explained that through Pressman, she learned to leave and give her daughter space while also taking a breath for herself.
“I got the best results I’ve ever gotten in my parenting from that, and it was never a way in I had thought of,” the actor concluded.
Pressman added on to Barrymore’s learning experience, noting, “I think we get so scared of the big feelings that we want to fix them. And we’re chasing them.”
“Yes!” Barrymore replied. “I was literally chasing her.”
“And the message is like, ‘We are afraid of feelings.’ And feelings aren’t dangerous,” Pressman added. “Being able to regulate ourselves as the adults and say, ‘Okay, I’m not being chased by a bear. My daughter’s not being chased by a bear.’ Meaning it’s not an emergency. It’s a feeling.”
“Which is an evolutionary response,” Barrymore pointed out.
“Totally,” Pressman said. “But we need our kids to know how to dress for the weather and not try to control the weather. Because we can’t. So, better they understand how to have the feelings and that they are survivable and that we are not shaken.”
“The Drew Barrymore Show’s” Instagram page shared a post featuring the show segment. In the comments section, users expressed their gratitude for the advice.
“I go into fix it mode. My eldest daughter hates that! Such good advice,” one user replied.
“Oh — that quote ‘it’s better to help your child dress for the weather and try to control the weather,'” one user replied. “Love it. So so, so many parents I come into contact with as a principal try to control the weather. You nailed it.”
